Tag Archives: allies

why care about asexuality any way?


Happy Asexual Awareness Week!

I can hear some of you thinking “Oh, no, Vicki, not the asexual thing again! I’m not asexual. Why don’t you stop posting about this?” Yes, that’s right, I can hear your thoughts, and I’m going to tell you why I’m not going to stop posting.

As far as anyone knows, about 1% of the world’s population is asexual. I think it’s more because of the stigma especially for males to admit they don’t experience sexual attraction. Asexuality is not a new internet fad. In the 1940’s Kinsey found a percentage of people (1.5% of males) who did not experience sexual attraction in his studies. There are other studies from the 1970’s about asexual behavior and recent studies show that asexuality exists in the animal kingdom. See here for studies.

With so few of us, there is rarely any representation in the media, except as socially awkward geniuses, time lords, or serial killers. There was an asexual EMT on the comedy Sirens last year and the romance novella Ace by Jack Byrne. (Yes, asexuals can have romances too.) I’m sure there are other examples that I don’t know about. I’m getting off topic but my point is if you don’t know asexuality exists, you aren’t going to stumble across it through mainstream media. You can find videos on youtube and references online but you have to search for them to find them.

Before anyone discovers they are asexual, they need to know asexuality exists. This may come as a surprise but a lot of asexual people (before they know they are asexual) think you all are just over-exaggerating all the sexual stuff. It’s kind of like learning a second language and never quite finding that language’s humor funny. You can recognize the humor and get good at fake laughing because everyone around you is laughing but it’s not what you think is funny. There’s a difference between not understanding humor and not understanding sexual attraction though. Human beings need other human beings. You might not even understand what how you are different. It gets to a point were you think there’s something wrong with you and that you’re broken or abnormal.

Asexuals don’t need to be made aware that we exist. We all ready know that. It’s those who don’t know who they are that need help. It’s a miserable life feeling like you don’t belong but they don’t have to feel like that. They have a community that will welcome them. That’s why I’m writing this post to you, the 99%. If you have a friend or family member who is struggling and doesn’t have interest in relationships or finds them unsatisfying, maybe you can say to them, “Hey, have you heard of this thing called asexuality? There’s a bunch of stuff online about it.” And then let them go research it on their own. Or if you hear or see someone say asexuality isn’t real and asexuals are just a bunch of people who want to be special snowflakes, you’ll know the truth (because you’ve read all the information on the links I’ve added, right?) and you can tell them they don’t know what they are talking about because we can all use allies.