Author Archives: victoria copus

About victoria copus

I'm a writer, a reader, and a dabbler in many things.

What I know so far


I say this a lot but I do intend to write more here. In November, I was certified to become a foster parent and also was told I had colon cancer. Unfortunately, fostering is on hold for now. I had surgery to remove the portion of my colon with cancer and cancer was found in a lymph node so chemo starts in a couple weeks.

The thing I know so far is that when you are told you have cancer, things are put into perceptive. The little annoying pieces of daily life that you thought were important aren’t.

Good intentions



I have good intentions of posting regularly and saying interesting things so that anyone who reads will think “Oh, how clever.” It just doesn’t always happen or even sometimes happens. Today I woke up at 7am, fed the cats, ate breakfast, paid bills, started catching up on the shows I’ve DVR’ed, and fell back to sleep until noon. I know, don’t I live a fabulous life?

It’s a cold rainy Saturday afternoon. The cats are napping. My fitbit has given up on me getting 10,000 steps for the day. I’ve caught up on sleep. It was a busy week. I started pre-service foster care classes this week which means two days a week I go from work to home for a quick supper and to class for three hours. Two classes and six hours down; 11 classes and 31 hours to go.

The first class was a basic orientation.

The second class was about the process and the child welfare team. There was a lot of talk about what to do when the social worker doesn’t call you back which is apparently a thing you have to deal with. I know they are busy people and have to deal with the safety of children but even doctors offices call you back if you leave them a message. It seems like there should be a better system.

Any way, I don’t know if I said anything clever or if you had a moment to think “Oh, she’s so clever.” but here a video to watch if you have the time. Part two is on youtube. Warning: if you have a heart, it will make you weepy most likely unless you’re a tough guy.






Looking forward


I should be working on my novel but I wanted to drop in and write up a wrap-up for 2015. 2015 was a good year for me, or at least it was as I remember it right now. I have a house, and my cats have finally settled from the move and are no longer hiding. See, here they are.

I have furniture (that’s a long, long story) and I’m not sleeping on a mattress on the floor. Yay! I have a back yard and a porch and a garage. I have WiFi and a washing machine and an oven that works and hot water. Life is pretty good. Sure, I want to paint the horrible blue and pink bathroom and the water pressure isn’t the greatest but it’s all mine. I have however long I live here to make changes.

All right, I’m listening to the podcast Limetown as I write this so hopefully, I’m not too distracted. I’m glad I found out it was a fictional story before I started listening. It’s creepy. It’s about a town where 200 people disappeared and an investigator (in the Serial podcast fashion) tries to find out what happened. Oh, season two of Serial has started if you don’t know. I like podcasts. They’re like old timey radio shows. I like the stripped down intimacy of listening to voices and not being assaulted by over-saturated visuals.

Back to the purpose of this post, the other big thing that happened in 2015 was discovering I’m asexual and knowing for the first time in my life that I’m not defective or damaged. It’s hard changing 40+ years of a negative self-image. Finding out there is a welcoming asexual community online is like the best grilled cheese sandwich you’ve ever had. I’m still working on what all this means to me. There’s a million ways to be asexual. I would like to be in a relationship if that’s possible. I just don’t think most people would put up with me.

I don’t have any New Years resolutions. Sure, there’s stuff I want to make a better effort on but NY resolutions don’t last.

Happy 2016, everyone. I hope this new year will be the best one yet for you.


why care about asexuality any way?


Happy Asexual Awareness Week!

I can hear some of you thinking “Oh, no, Vicki, not the asexual thing again! I’m not asexual. Why don’t you stop posting about this?” Yes, that’s right, I can hear your thoughts, and I’m going to tell you why I’m not going to stop posting.

As far as anyone knows, about 1% of the world’s population is asexual. I think it’s more because of the stigma especially for males to admit they don’t experience sexual attraction. Asexuality is not a new internet fad. In the 1940’s Kinsey found a percentage of people (1.5% of males) who did not experience sexual attraction in his studies. There are other studies from the 1970’s about asexual behavior and recent studies show that asexuality exists in the animal kingdom. See here for studies.

With so few of us, there is rarely any representation in the media, except as socially awkward geniuses, time lords, or serial killers. There was an asexual EMT on the comedy Sirens last year and the romance novella Ace by Jack Byrne. (Yes, asexuals can have romances too.) I’m sure there are other examples that I don’t know about. I’m getting off topic but my point is if you don’t know asexuality exists, you aren’t going to stumble across it through mainstream media. You can find videos on youtube and references online but you have to search for them to find them.

Before anyone discovers they are asexual, they need to know asexuality exists. This may come as a surprise but a lot of asexual people (before they know they are asexual) think you all are just over-exaggerating all the sexual stuff. It’s kind of like learning a second language and never quite finding that language’s humor funny. You can recognize the humor and get good at fake laughing because everyone around you is laughing but it’s not what you think is funny. There’s a difference between not understanding humor and not understanding sexual attraction though. Human beings need other human beings. You might not even understand what how you are different. It gets to a point were you think there’s something wrong with you and that you’re broken or abnormal.

Asexuals don’t need to be made aware that we exist. We all ready know that. It’s those who don’t know who they are that need help. It’s a miserable life feeling like you don’t belong but they don’t have to feel like that. They have a community that will welcome them. That’s why I’m writing this post to you, the 99%. If you have a friend or family member who is struggling and doesn’t have interest in relationships or finds them unsatisfying, maybe you can say to them, “Hey, have you heard of this thing called asexuality? There’s a bunch of stuff online about it.” And then let them go research it on their own. Or if you hear or see someone say asexuality isn’t real and asexuals are just a bunch of people who want to be special snowflakes, you’ll know the truth (because you’ve read all the information on the links I’ve added, right?) and you can tell them they don’t know what they are talking about because we can all use allies.




I’ve been house shopping and through my journey of looking at house photographs online, I’ve seen and noticed some odd things.

  1. I don’t know if I would count this a real bathroom but the listing for this house did.


2. Holy cow! What is standing in the corner.


3. Does it look like this house has a halo?


4. Why would anyone wood panel a kitchen?


5. What’s going on here?


6. This bathroom has wild wild west saloon style doors.


7. I feel like this house is staring back at me.


8. Apparently, a professionally staged home must have something diagonal in it.

house3 house9 house11